For Everyone I Ever Trusted  

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2010

Portland, Oregon

White Box Gallery

40 minute Video Performance, Collected paper ephemera, Hand-bound books, Handcrafted pedestals

 

During the summer of 2009, I came across the term, “Examination of Conscience,” frequently used by the Catholic Church as a part of Confession. It is an act in which the person involved reflects on their past actions, words, thoughts...etc. And upon doing so, attempts to see themselves for who they are. I have always been interested in Confession, as a means of absolving one’s conscience. And as such, the human need for acceptance and forgiveness for past actions. Upon reading, The Picture of Dorian Grey,  this quote explains precisely what appeals to me about the act of confessing, “I long to sit in the dim shadow of one of them and listen to men and women whispering through the worn grating the true stories of their lives.”

 

In a way, For Everyone I Ever Trusted lets the viewers do just that. The installation consists of two broadcast monitors playing videos simultaneously. One side has my friends and family saying “It’s ok,” over and over for 3 minutes. The other side is a video of me watching the other compilation. The two monitors are separated by a curtain/screen made from paper ephemera I collected since I was a child. Subtly to the side on one of the pedestals there are two small, hand bound red books. These books serve as my confession. Inside, one can find stories from my life, texts I have sent people, song lyrics I liked as a teenager, dreams I once wrote down and a list of all the boys I have ever kissed. But in order to make these confessions still a bit of a secret, I overlapped the pages, backward and forward. The end product is a mash up of words printed on a fibrous, transparent paper resembling the texture of fingerprints. It is a very private object half diary, half bible it reveals everything there is to know about me.